I don’t wanna be a bus driver, all my life. So I took a Venga Airways plane from Miami 2 Ibiza, to show Avicii I was cool.
(Here ends my knowledge of songs featuring the island of Ibiza).Critically acclaimed artists such as the Vengaboys sing about Ibiza because it’s a place that deserves singing about. Whether you want to party like it’s 1999, or yoga pose yourself to achieve zen, there is room for everyone.
Here’s my beginner’s guide to Ibiza…
If you want an authentic Ibiza, experience, stay in either Ibiza Town and San Antonio. The former is generally slightly quieter, suitable for families, and the latter is generally more party-focused, suitable for LADS ON TOUR.
Being a massive lad, I’ve always stayed in San Antonio and would highly recommend Hostal Valencia [Calle Valencia, 23, 07820 Sant Antoni de Portmany]. In an ideal location (10 minutes to the beach, 5 minutes to the bars), it’s clean, comfortable and quiet, so you can get a good night’s sleep after all that partying. It has a lovely, quaint pool too.
For the most beautiful beaches, I’d recommend hiring a car and taking a drive along the north coast of the island. As you can probably imagine, the main beaches in San Antonio can get very busy and quite dirty… Yum.
Bars and Clubs
Book tickets online before you fly, as many venues offer an online discount. It also means you can schedule your time, hence not missing any headliners you’re keen to see.
Clubs start to get busy from midnight onwards. Disco naps are recommended between the hours of 9-10pm. Drinks in the clubs are SO EXPENSIVE. So drink beforehand (responsibly, ahem), unless you’re made of money.
Decide on what sort of night out you want:
For classy and expensive, spend the day at the Ocean Beach where entry for a sun lounger is £26. Then grab a taxi to the south of the island to Pacha, to watch the likes of David Guetta and Bob Sinclair, where tickets start at £60.
For cheap and cheerful, treat yourself to a Sex on the Beach Cannabis vodka liquor (everything about this is RIGHT) for approximately £4 at the local corner shop, then support the Welsh Karaoke industry at Deliah’s bar [Carrer de Santa Agnès 16, Ibiza]… For mid-priced happiness, watch the sun set on the rocks near Café del Mar, then head to Ibiza Rocks. An outside venue with a pool (although you’re not allowed to jump in, dammit), it’s like a club and a summer festival had a baby. Great atmosphere and great line-up, it’s my favourite venue of the island.
Other clubs worth considering are es Paradis, Eden, Space and Amnesia. They tend to blur into one great-but-generic super club after a while, so buy tickets depending on who’s playing on the night, not just to see the venue. Whatever you choose, it’s near-impossible not to have a good night out on the island. Hands down, Ibiza is the best place I have partied in… so far… (sorry, Las Vegas).
Let’s be honest, you don’t go to Ibiza for the fine dining. As you’d expect, most options are fast, fatty and… fabulous?
If you want something a little different, try The Skinny Kitchen [No. 8 General Prim]. I’m not crazy on its name, but when you can order protein pancakes and an avocado smoothie, who cares. The food is nutritious and tasty. It’s the perfect way of getting some sustenance after excessive amounts of Sex on the Beach Cannabis vodka liquor.
During one visit, my sister and I felt like being fancy, and online reviews convinced us to try Sa Capella [Carretera Sant Antoni-Santa Agnés, Km 1, 07820]. Located in a 400-year-old monastery chapel, it’s a short walk up the hills, from madness to peace. It was around £25 a head and was very atmospheric, but neither of us were that fussed with the food. It’s worth considering if you’re trying to impress your holiday romance on a first date, but we wouldn’t hurry back.
Who would have thought, there are other things to do aside from sleeping, eating, raving and repeating?
One venue definitely worth visiting is the Aquarium Cap Blanc [Carretera Cala Gració, s/n, 07820]. It’s a tiny, unusual place to see tiny, unusual fish (trust me, it’s great). Entry is around £3.50, and it’s a fifteen minute walk along the coast from the main bars.
The egg. THE EGG. Located in the middle of San Antonio’s main roundabout, it pays tribute to Christopher Columbus and the ye ol’ tale of the explorer ‘magically’ standing an egg on its tip.. Sadly, sitting inside the egg for photos is forbidden. So, here’s me… pointing…
There really is an Ibiza for everyone. Without sounding too pretentious, there is a unique magic about the island that makes you want to return again and again. Ibiza will always have a special place in my heart.