How was your January? Dry and healthy? Life-changing? Inspirational?
Whatever description feels most apt, I’m sure it’s been the best ever.
Or maybe not. But that’s what polite small talk with colleagues/Instagram/any magazine article tells you.
2016 IS AMAZING.
My January? Goodness, I’ll regret telling the truth with this one… it’s been a bit rubbish. I know right, I’m breaking the blogging code by not painting everything with a Valencia filter and a #blessed.
But it has. Ongoing health problems have been making mischief, leaving me in pain, exhausted and smothered in self-pity. My dance class attendance has suffered as a result and, when I do feel up to it, I’m just not on form; in a recent advanced class, at the crucial moment where the teacher films the choreography, I royally fucked up the routine like never before (even though I’d been fine just minutes before).My diet currently revolves around chocolate cake, as it’s the only thing I feel like eating without an appetite. And loved ones are thousands of miles away, with the warmth of spring and embraces feeling a long way away.
Yadda yadda yadda. I’m bored of listening to me moan too… self-pity is not sexually arousing. Even Emma Thompson thinks so:
Bit harsh Emma, but anyway.
So why am I disclosing these uncomfortable truths? We are told to tackle every new year with impact, energy, positivity; to be better versions of ourselves than ever before. And if life does give us lemons, we must demand tequila and salt, right?
Except, sometimes even tequila can’t make you happy (I know right, the song LIED). When your health, physical or mental, is temporarily wobbly, no amount of positive affirmations are going to miraculously cure everything.
Even so, people have it worse than me, so why can’t I just positive affirm myself back to sunshine and rainbows?
Eventually, after digging through the millionth ‘change your life in 2016’ article, I stopped being so hard on myself. Yes I’m all for being positive and following my dreams, but sometimes no matter how optimistic you are, sometimes life just happens…
Getting sick even though your diet would make Deliciously Ella proud; having your wallet stolen despite giving that £20 you found on the street to charity; losing a family member when you’re on your only holiday of the year.
No rhyme, no reason, no fairness.
In these moments, the only thing we really have is time – no matter how much or little might be available. Time to grieve, to accept, to be. And eventually time to learn that, just like everything else, this too shall pass.
So for once, I’m putting the positivity aside and practicing my underwhelmingly amazing new philosophy: the art of being OK.